Friday, 19 February 2010

...keep diggin' that hole Mr. Abbott

He's at it again.

Tony Abbott, stop talking about sex! In particular, stop talking about YOU having sex, with your wife and/or ex-girlfriends/goats. There are people trying to eat out there.

As it is with parents, politicians and sex should not considered in the same thought (unless of course you are Italian). Most pollies have a head like a baboon's arse and the sex appeal of a proboscis monkey in lingerie...I don't want to have any inkling of the fact that you may have a) had intercourse and b) been naked or c) worn budgie smugglers. I know a sexually repressed Catholic upbringing is enough to make any bloke obsessed with the topic of sex, but enough already!

And Tony, I already know your thoughts on young women having sex before marraige, which you tend to put in a very special category, describing a woman's virginity as "the ultimate gift". Well Tony, you may regard the taking of a young lady's virginity as the "ultimate", but I've known a few women in my time and I can tell you, the "ultimate gift" a woman ever gave me was a Black and Decker Workmate.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in my shed.

*Apologies to all baboons and Proboscis Monkeys


Thursday, 18 February 2010

...interesting times

So I've...

-Wormed and flea'd the cat
-Got briefly addicted to Second Life before my first life got interminably busy
-Survived Christmas, 5 large meals over three bloody days (those Christians are gonna pay!)
-Came a few facial ticks away from quitting my job
-Took Mingus Von Stinkbum to the cattery
-Went camping at The Prom with 7 friends and 5 family members (Dances with Wombats)

-Survived camping at The Prom with 7 friends and 5 family members
-Helped my brother-in-law move house
-Cancelled the internet
-Helped sell Q's car
-Bought Q's new SH car
-Sold a couch
-Bought a couch
-Took my fish to the orphanarium
-Sold my aquariums
-Setup a cot and change table. Damn those infernal Chinese instruction writers

-Helped my friend Pierre move house. He's French. He doesn't like cheese. He's interesting
-Settled on the house (don't bother with mortgage brokers. They are just another layer of complication)
-Started 'Having a Baby 101' lessons (or 'What Not To Do When You're Partner is in Labour 101')
-Moved house. Ouch. But I got to drive a truck! Echo-Charlie-Rubber Ducky!
-Painted 90% the interior of a 3-bedroom house in 6 days (the psychological scars will last a lifetime)
-Weaned my Mum off Telstra
-Hooked up new phone and internet (hooray for iinet, but no ADSL2 :( this country is a friggin' telecommunications backwater I tell ya)
-bought a dining room table
-Wondered if I'll ever blog again
-Received a new work car. Faith in job temporarily restored.
-Moved Stinkbum to new premises
-Moved the cat
-Caught Gastro off my sister's kids, albeit mildly
-Watched Q turn inside from a severe bout of Gastro, ending in a precautionary visit to hospital
(Speaking of Gastro, I once asked a girl out on a date but she told me no, she was in bed with Gastro. I gave up on her straight away. I mean, how could I compete with the leader of Cuba)

-Painted 10% the interior of a 3-bedroom house
-Bought a lawnmower and hedge trimmer. Whats happening to me!!!
-Watched a birth video at What Not To Do When You're Partner is in Labour-101. No wonder they get the Dad to stand behind the mother
-Marvelled at my new work commute. From 34 traffic lights to just 1
-Wondered by so many bots/trawlers/spammers and enigmatic anoymous commenters are leaving comments on my little blog.

Oh, and that was all before lunchtime! I think I need a lie down.

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