...27b/6

I think I have just found my new favourite funniest person with website in the world.

David Thorne and 27b/6.

This is the guy who tried to pay an overdue account with a drawing of a spider. You may have seen it as I generally lag around six months behind popular folklore. Well, I think he's highly entertaining anyway, and look forward to laughing my head off this weekend as I have been annoying my colleagues the last few days and I suspect they think I am finally going insane.

If you have any sense, you've probably never logged on to Chatroulette. I did briefly, and soon realised it should be called Penisroulette. But no doubt you have heard of it. Here is a sample of what David Thorne did there on the rare occasions he didn't find a fat man playing with his penis...



Enjoy!

...an axis of ignorance

I keep hearing people saying "Afghanistan is like Vietnam". So I'm thinking... if that is the case, then where is this 'Vietnam' and should we attack it?

...com-pu-pu-pu-pu-etc

"Video games don't kill people, they just kill their minds"
Bart Simpson

I've been playing computer games since my Dad brought home a precursor to modern consoles back in 1981. It was state of the art, and had 4 awesome games in it, controlled by a large red dial/knob thingamy...

Tennis...

Squash...

Wall tennis...

and Soccer...

It was just like the real thing, only less fun. The future looked bright.

I spend most of 1984 seeing this...


I clocked this baby dozens of times.

And soon I was playing this at my friend's houses. We couldn't afford a NES of our own. That or my Mum was a complete tight-arse killjoy.

But despite being born at the right time to soak in computer games from an early age, I was never a fat couch potato kid, ne'er were my peers (I am now though, despite having a Wii). I still spent a considerable amount of time outdoors on my yellow BMX, popping monos and wheelies (but never bunnyhops coz bunnyhops are gay).

And over the years I have destroyed hundreds of Capital Spacecraft and thousands of starfighters. I've shot down dozens of B-52 Flying Fortresses and downed countless AM6 Zeros. I've sunk submarines off Guadalcanal and divebombed Japanese airfields in the Marianas under heavy AA fire.

I've blasted ten thousand aliens (all of them nasty) and dismembered zombies with a chainsaw. I've killed terrorists with shotguns in dawn raids, and I've ran over dozens of pedestrians (accidentally).

I've done such things as ripped people's heads off with the spinal cord still attached, I've knifed people in the guts and sprayed their blood all over the room . Well I had to, or else they would have killed me!

And aside from the blogging, I've turned out perfectly normal. By that I mean I haven't actually killed anyone for real. I've never even hit someone, aside from my big sister but she deserved it because she kicked me square in the balls because she "just wanted to see what would happen". I'm even a bit of a vegetarian. I eat fish.... and duck. Well a duck is basically a fish isn't it because it spends most of its life on water. So I eat any animal that lives on or near a water body. I even give money to MSF to stitch up the poor people wounded in war zones.

So why do some people insist that computer games are the root of violence and obesity in our society? Stupidity is the root of violence and obesity in our society, and stupidity is born of low education and a lack of moral guidance. Despite what some people believe, I can tell the difference between an armless green-toothed zombie on a TV screen and a fellow pedestrian as I walk to the shops, aned therefore not have the urge to shoot them. Anyone who can't hopefully received urgent medical attention at a young age.

In the 1960's a guy in the USA went to see Disneys Snow White at the cinema. After that he came home and stabbed his mother 100 times because he belived her to be the wicked witch. Perhaps she was, but my point is that based on the anti-games people argument, we should ban that film because it incited violence. Lets not blame a sick mind, it's far easier to blame the movie/computer game/heavymetal song lyrics.

If computer games did affect the kids so profoundly, then my generation, who played a lot of Pacman, would spend much of their time in darkened rooms, popping pills and listening to repetitive music.

Heaven forbid!

.

...profanisaurus

I have in front of me a copy of Roger's Profanisaurus, "A collection of expletives, obscenities and euphemisms" from the makers of the British schoolboy humour comic/mag Viz.

Set out like a dictionary, it is mostly concerned with copulation, ladies and men's naughty bits, homosexuality, alcohol, orifices and associated excreta...therefore it is utterly hilarious and completely brilliant. But I dare not share with you too much of it, as I fear posting this stuff online could have a van of blokes in black pyjamas raiding my house and putting me away for crimes against humanity in John Howard's secret prison for the culturally insane, and/or The Man at the Pub be banned on a Stephen Conroy Chinese-style internet control fantasy trip..... and/or you'll think I'm a sicko more of a sicko. But judge me not harshly, as inside every 34 year old Australian male beats the heart of a childish, spotty and very annoying schoolboy.

But I found some tamish ones to indulge you, and seeing as you're a bunch of intelligent adults I can tell you that...

...pace car n. Of paying a sit down visit. The slow, unaerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped-up bastards behind it to put their foot down.

...pants 1. interj. Exclamation of dismay. 2. n. Rubbish; nonsense; arse. As in: "You're talking pants!".

...pant moustache n. The effect achieved when the map of tassie (qv) extends symmetrically beyond either side of the undercrackers; (kecks; underpants; trolleys) (qv). See also spiders legs.

...pink Darth Vader euph. Cock. From the Star Wars character with a bell end for a helmet.

...pocket frog n. A fart; botty burp, anal announcement.

...polish the lighthouse to masturbate in the bath (males only).

I may have to begin usage of number two (snigger, snigger) as I quite like it and if you disagree, well pants to you! Thats just a fraction of the P's but you can get the whole Profanisaurus here (though why would you?).

I'd better stop now while I still have a shred of kredibility and hopefully a reader left.

Uh-oh, too late...


.

...the man of the pub

What makes somone get an "of" in their name followed by a place name. like Lawrence of Arabia or Joan of Arc? My mate Keith has been to Thailand but I don't call him Keith of Thailand. I've been to Sumatra but they don't call me James of Sumatra, though it might be nice.

Still sick. Tenacious bugs attacking head zone. Swollen, weeping, eyelid. Congested sinuses. Forgets how to blog properly. Back at work :o( Send food and sympathies, stat!

..really bad jokes

What show do horses like watching?

Neiggghhhhh-bours.

I just made that one up. You can probably tell.



I thought of it as I was thinking of this joke...

Why don't they watch Neighbours in Afghanistan?

Because there's a Tellyban.


Bwah Ha Ha Ha! Me so farkin' funny!



Its alright. You're going away now.

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