Friday, 16 October 2009

"Video games don't kill people, they just kill their minds"
Bart Simpson

I've been playing computer games since my Dad brought home a precursor to modern consoles back in 1981. It was state of the art, and had 4 awesome games in it, controlled by a large red dial/knob thingamy...



Wall tennis...

and Soccer...

It was just like the real thing, only less fun. The future looked bright.

I spend most of 1984 seeing this...

I clocked this baby dozens of times.

And soon I was playing this at my friend's houses. We couldn't afford a NES of our own. That or my Mum was a complete tight-arse killjoy.

But despite being born at the right time to soak in computer games from an early age, I was never a fat couch potato kid, ne'er were my peers (I am now though, despite having a Wii). I still spent a considerable amount of time outdoors on my yellow BMX, popping monos and wheelies (but never bunnyhops coz bunnyhops are gay).

And over the years I have destroyed hundreds of Capital Spacecraft and thousands of starfighters. I've shot down dozens of B-52 Flying Fortresses and downed countless AM6 Zeros. I've sunk submarines off Guadalcanal and divebombed Japanese airfields in the Marianas under heavy AA fire.

I've blasted ten thousand aliens (all of them nasty) and dismembered zombies with a chainsaw. I've killed terrorists with shotguns in dawn raids, and I've ran over dozens of pedestrians (accidentally).

I've done such things as ripped people's heads off with the spinal cord still attached, I've knifed people in the guts and sprayed their blood all over the room . Well I had to, or else they would have killed me!

And aside from the blogging, I've turned out perfectly normal. By that I mean I haven't actually killed anyone for real. I've never even hit someone, aside from my big sister but she deserved it because she kicked me square in the balls because she "just wanted to see what would happen". I'm even a bit of a vegetarian. I eat fish.... and duck. Well a duck is basically a fish isn't it because it spends most of its life on water. So I eat any animal that lives on or near a water body. I even give money to MSF to stitch up the poor people wounded in war zones.

So why do some people insist that computer games are the root of violence and obesity in our society? Stupidity is the root of violence and obesity in our society, and stupidity is born of low education and a lack of moral guidance. Despite what some people believe, I can tell the difference between an armless green-toothed zombie on a TV screen and a fellow pedestrian as I walk to the shops, aned therefore not have the urge to shoot them. Anyone who can't hopefully received urgent medical attention at a young age.

In the 1960's a guy in the USA went to see Disneys Snow White at the cinema. After that he came home and stabbed his mother 100 times because he belived her to be the wicked witch. Perhaps she was, but my point is that based on the anti-games people argument, we should ban that film because it incited violence. Lets not blame a sick mind, it's far easier to blame the movie/computer game/heavymetal song lyrics.

If computer games did affect the kids so profoundly, then my generation, who played a lot of Pacman, would spend much of their time in darkened rooms, popping pills and listening to repetitive music.

Heaven forbid!


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At 17 October 2009 at 03:39 , Blogger Terence McDanger said...

I had this soccer hand-held game thingy, and I swear to God, it was thee most repetitive mind-numbing entertainment ever, but I still hammered shite out of it for about a year until it coughed up its innards one day and cried no more.

I remember getting the Sega Mega Drive later on. Oh yes. I've always had a console since.

And sure I'm clearly normal as well.

At 17 October 2009 at 07:17 , Blogger Baino said...

I can't work the Playstation or XBox controls well enough to avoid 13 respawns in COD4 but it's fun! The most dangerous thing is the lack of sleep one endures when having an all-nighter!

At 17 October 2009 at 16:55 , Blogger Lorna Lilo said...

Snow White was a body snatcher, don't be fooled by the puffy sleeves. The Sound of Music showed a sympathetic view of Nazi's who just wanted Julie Andrews to shut the f**k up (and so did a lot of other people) and the Road Runner was responsible for more dismembered body parts that any video game could claim to achieve. And we turned out ok. Now where did I put my ACME TNT?

At 19 October 2009 at 08:28 , Blogger kiki said...

it's all about the parenting. someone could gorw up living a "perfect childhood" and become a mass-murderer, or someone could grow up playing the most violent games yet not be violent at all.

it doesn't matter about what games kids play, it matters what morals and guidance they are given

At 20 October 2009 at 12:25 , Blogger Kath Lockett said...

Do you know (hi Lorna) that I have some electric beaters that are 'ACME' brand? A friend bought them for me in 1995 from a cheapie shop as a joke and they're still working.

...which is more than can be said for our family game of PONG, dear PubDaddy - I remember you could set it for doubles tennis and then leave it at a certain angle and the ball would just keep bouncing off the opposing corners forever.

In 1983 I spent all of my babysitting money on my very own Donkey Kong II game, but after that the whole console/playstation thingy passed me by.

Until Sing Star. Abba. Oh yes.....


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